Life seems to me like a dream right now.
They talk to me through a thousand imaginary glasses.
(His presence I enjoy most despite the 8000 real km between us.)
I am lucky because people still like me though I'm like that.
Why did this special feeling turn me into this? It's like a drug, it's good to me, spoils me, but turns me into something I find very weird.
" Knowing you
You wait for clear skies
To tell us how changes come about
With the sunlight
So we'll count every drop that falls
While you throw us some old line
This will pass
This will pa-ah-ah-ah-ah-ass..
And I'm spending the time
Wasting your time
You will, that's all you ever wanted
And I'm spending your time
Wasting your time
You will, that's all you ever- "
I fucking hate September.
Shit happens a lot in September. I feel sick, people I love get hurt and accidents happen a lot.
I am getting sad again. I feel sorry. Why are so many things unfair?
How can things be wrong, when they feel so right?
It's hard to care for oneself if you feel like there are too many things out of your control. All of a sudden, shit happens.
I don't want to have to care about the future. I want to turn back time. I want to save things or set them on repeat. When he lied next to me, the sound of rain, his breath, his skin, his face..
I will try to stay positive. Clear Skies says it all.
There's no other way to survive.
When did buddy-relationships get so complicated? Or there-shall-be-no-love relationships in general.
So yeah. From now on, maybe I'll be more distant to you. Maybe I'll get out of this half-assed 'ship. Maybe I'll punch you in the face.
- Jake Gyllenhaal.
# I don't know if this shit is what you call a boyfriend.
# Several guys who are supposed to be only friends have lately been attempting to kiss & grab me. Don't force me to reject you. One damn clingy 'boyfriend' is enough.
# I kinda like someone who's definitely not the one I don't know how to call (see above #1). And I am pretty sure that this special guy likes me too. I saw him again. I avoided him and blocked him out as best as I could. But at one point, we just stood there. As long as I held his gaze, he didn't shy or turn away. Neither of us did. We just stood there, in the middle of the room, looking in each others eyes. I don't know. At the time it was simultaneously surreal and natural. In retrospect, it was maybe the most romantic and fascinating moment I've had in my entire life.
That was the point where it was clear to me it wasn't one-sided. I mean, we just stared at each other for like a whole minute. Stuff like that only happens in shojo manga, right?
It's always the same. I can feel him looking at me, know he's just as fascinated as I am. Even more than on day one, when we first met. But I ignore it because I know he'll never respond if I'll confront him. He's just too intelligent to give in. We can never be together.
I could totally see myself being with him. It's such a shame we we'll never be.
It sucks to be vulnerable.
# Instead of that, I'm temporarily with someone who reminds me of my first love, just to be with someone. It makes me angry to even think of him, arghhhhhhh
# And before I agreed to that I already knew I'd end it soon. This time it's different. This time I WON'T EVEN TRY to fall in love with my partner. In fact, I hate him. I only like him from a neutral friendship view. I'll move away and say Go fuckyoself, LOL BYE BITCH.
My birthday was already great at 2 am in the morning (and even before it really started to be honest).
Yay! Best birthday I ever had so far.
When I'm fifty I'll be like Madonna, but just fatter! :D
(How the hell do you put .gifs in lj entries? they don't move wah wah)
Forget what I said before, it's unrelated:
Happy birthday @ all my frändz who were born in April! I know somewhere rukahime is
SHAKING AND CRYING right now.
MAY YOU GET DAZZLED FOR LIFE, SWEETHEART! ily♥
It's funny that most people I get along with are born under the sign Taurus. We're crazy.